1. |
the way that it goes
05:12
|
|||
So is this not what it seems
Then how hard can it be
You sit in silence counting all the moments
As another sleepless night begins to fade
This gift was your curse that you never really wanted
Now it all collapses, it's too late
This day's not like any other
There's fear dripping down my spine
Where do we go now
It's the end of the road now
I can't shake this feeling any longer
Even though I know I'm fine
It kills me to know
It's the way that it goes
It feels like aeons since we've awaken
We've felt like exiles and imprisoned
So is this not what it seems
As the memories pull through revelations
We thought we could catch up to our dreams
Then how hard can it be
This day's not like any other
There's fear dripping down my spine
Where do we go now?
It's the end of the road now
I can't shake this feeling any longer
Even though I know I'm right
It kills me to know
It's the way that it goes
Suffered through
Eternities
Enduring
Hyperbole
Alternate
Realities
Separate
No empathy
Distancing
This we must choose
Imagine
Your self to lose
This is how
All things must go
If you ask
You'll never know
We push on
With a taste for blood
Just ourselves
Rising through the flood
Despite you
And in spite of you
Can't forgive
What you've put us through
This day's not like any other
There's fear dripping down my spine
I can't shake this feeling any longer
Even though I know I'm fine
Where do we go now
It's the end of the road now
It kills me to know
it's the way that it goes
It's the way it must be
To save you from me
So is this not what it seems
Then how hard can it be
So is this not what it seems
Then how hard can it be
|
||||
2. |
not what we expected
04:38
|
|||
This game we play at the
End of each day
It's not what we expected
Not what we expected
Think we need it
That's the issue with the struggle can't
Anticipate the actions of the ones providing trouble
We can say no
But my mind is thinking yes and
Sometimes it seems to help to get the weight off of my chest
Think we need it?
When I don't I feel so strong and I wonder what the fuck I was thinking all along
Keep our heads straight
It was never there before and I never should have given in and opened up the door
Each step forward
One step back
Its not what we expected
Not what we expected
The debt must be repaid to
Genetic memory from those inside their graves
Or is it in my mind
Try to see but I fear I'm going blind
No sleep... Eyes are red. Have another taste
Only hours left to start again. Cannot go to waste
Leaping off the ledge. Landing on another
Can't fall down. Must learn from the strength of my brothers
I can control myself
I can think for myself the
Memories of my father and my mother won't dictate my health
I can control myself
I can think for myself and
I have to keep on trying I
Can't continue crying I
Have to stay accountable
Nothings insurmountable
The debt must be repaid to
Genetic memory from those inside their graves
Or is it in my mind
Try to see but I fear I'm going blind
I thought that there was more
Steered clear from what I knew was at my core
If it is in my mind
I know there's light in the future I will find
|
||||
3. |
skin
06:36
|
|||
Mirror void
Speak to me
Reaching thru
Pressure peak
Vision white
Hunger strain
Feeling weak
Feeling light
Feeling drained
Never speak
Never write
Never sane
Flawed physique
Never right
Unobtained
I have gone without so much to get here
Why do I continue to carry this fear
That everything remains just as it was
Forgive me my mind knows not what it does
Hey
Its gonna be alright
Hey
Its gonna be okay
Hey
Its gonna be alright
Hey
Its gonna be fine
Pain lives inside of my skin
Looking through you
Am I more than what I see
Can I undo everything I have done to me
Looking through you
Am I more than what I see
Can I undo everything I have done to me
Mirror speak
Speak to me
Mirror speak
Set me free
Hey
Its gonna be alright
Hey
Its gonna be okay
Hey
Its gonna be alright
Hey
Its gonna be fine
And I hate what I feel within
Its so hard to go on
After all the work is done
But the pain is buried under my skin
I don't know why I even tried
Cause I hate what I feel within
I'm never satisfied
And its so hard to explain
That the pain lives inside of my skin
And I'm holding on
But its been so long
That the pains lived inside my skin
|
||||
4. |
knot of mind
06:58
|
|||
Rising above my body
Seeing myself double
A taste beneath my tongue
Pushing but I'm pulling
Sleeping while awake
Vibrations make me numb
Who is this speaking
Can I even hear
Valleys progress peaking
I don't like it here
What is this feeling
I know it isn't fear
Splitting personality
The vast spectrum has dulled to grey
As night gradients into day
All the fragments in disarray
What is really before me
Can this be real
Even with touch I cannot feel
This is not of my own mind
Spectral imagery
Geometric symmetry
The colors of the earth
Mental divinity
Or subconscious trickery
This cognitive rebirth
Who is speaking
What is this I hear
Everything repeating
I don't like it here
What is this feeling
Am I even here
I see myself depleting
The vast spectrum has dulled to grey
As night gradients into day
All the fragments in disarray
What is really before me
Can this be real
Even with touch I cannot feel
This is not of my own mind
Whose voice do I hear
Repeating repeating repeating
Repeating repeating repeating
Repeating repeating repeating
It's repeating
Whose voice do I hear
Aimlessly riding this wave
The lines have been blurred between ecstasy and pain
Am the leader or am I the slave
What is the reason these thoughts are contained
Not of my mind
Knot of mind
Repeating repeating repeating
Repeating repeating repeating
It's repeating
And repeating
Repeating repeating repeating
Why wont it stop
I can't get out of here
Why wont it stop
I can't get out of here
Repeating repeating repeating
It's repeating repeating
Why wont it stop
|
||||
5. |
it's over now
05:00
|
|||
We're here now
It's come to this
We don't know to do
The things we saw before
We swore we'd never be
But it's happening to you
And I don't know how you let this be a part of you no
And I don't know how I just sit back and watch you fall
We're here now and you haven't said a word
Is this the time to bring up all the pain I have
It's clear now, you've said all you need to say
Now that it's said, we can learn to be again
Wasted
Trust faded
It's hard for you to try to find the time
So distant
Indifferent
We've wasted all our time
Wasted
Trust faded
It's hard for you to try to find the time
So distant
Indifferent
We've wasted all our time
It's over
It's over now
It's over
It's over
It's over now
|
||||
6. |
be enough
09:39
|
|||
And who am I now
I've questioned my faith
And insecurities
And where does that leave me now
The colors, they fade
And dull before me
And what can you bring me now
No longer can taste
The air grows thicker
Where does that lead me now
It leads me down
This winding passage
This is not me
Have I lost control?
I'm incomplete
Am I alone
The oxygen returns
The blood rushes back
The darkness dissipates
Can I do this on my own
I know who I am
I know what it takes
To break free from you
I know where this leaves me now
The colors are vivid
And shine before me
So what can you bring me now
It's a struggle to face
But I've brought this on myself
So where does that lead me now
I've opened the door
I've made my choice
For the first time that I recall
I feel I'm in control
Not just an outline of my self
I think I'm someone after all
This time I've never believed in me
Cause all that I've heard is the dissonance in my head
Call it a flaw in my chemistry
A flaw in the life I've lead
It took too long to free myself
And cast my guilt aside
The hardest part was to forgive
And leave the hate behind
I am whole
I am stronger
In control
Ever longer
Is this what it feels like to be real again
Is this what it feels like to breathe again
Is this what it feels like to forgive
Is this what it feels like to want to live
I've wasted my time
To be in your life
I've wasted my time
To be in your life
Now that I'm here will I be enough
Now that I feel will I feel enough
Now that I bleed am I strong enough
Now that I'm real can I be in love
Now that you're here can I trust enough
Now that I'm free can I be enough?
Abductee
Set me free
We disagree
You will be
Finally
Too blind to see
Questioning
All I've seen
All I have been
Now I know
I must be
Myself again
I think it took a lifetime just to get away
I traded guilt for petty insecurities
It might take half a lifetime just to feel okay
Now its time to finally believe in me
Is this what it feels like to be real again
Is this what it feels like to breathe again
Is this what it feels like to forgive
Is this what it feels like to want to live
Now that I'm here will I be enough
Now that I feel will I feel enough
Now that I bleed am I strong enough
Now that I'm real can I be enough
|
||||
7. |
32
09:10
|
|||
So much has changed so rapidly
I see no end to what's haunting me
Every time it hits me
Some days it seems I can cope with it
And some days it all goes to shit
Nothing seems familiar
A test of time
I’m being swept away
With every passing day
Hold on
Fear of the unknown
Fear of being alone
Are we all
Drops in the ocean
I can't shake the regret
Of judgments I held for so long
For what felt so right
But it wasn't right
Pretended I had forgotten
It all seemed so unreal
Our connection by distance
Lost in an instant
I wish you held on
I'm being swept away
With every passing day
My fear of this unknown
This void was once my home
And I wish I had said goodbye
But I'm grateful that we had tried
I hate that you are gone
I wish you had held on
The pain was in your eyes
I couldn’t see inside
The pain was in your eyes
I couldn’t see inside
Pain
And shame
The blame
Gone unclaimed
Pain
Shame
Blame
Unclaimed
The pain was in your eyes
What was on your mind
The pain was in your eyes
I couldn't see inside
When sleeping wasn't something I feared
And before I felt my life disappear
I have to remind myself every day that
I want it back
I want it back
I want it back
Its slipping thru my fingers
are we all drops in the ocean
When everything still seemed so clear
Before I knew I could persevere
I have to remind myself every day that
I want it back
I want it back
I want it back
I want it back
I want it back
I want it back
I want it back
I want it back
I want it back
I want it back
I want it back
|
||||
8. |
memento
08:09
|
|||
Remember what it was like
The timing just wasn't right
Circling and surfacing
A broken link
I did not know what I should think
How could I let my self do this again
At this point I just cannot defend
Cause I remember
The timing is just never right for me
Addicted to the consequence
Of tensions overwhelming
I found comfort in imbalance
The complications were so telling
If I didn't try to hide
The person I am from the people I love the most
I think that I would find
I wouldn't regret when I let them be so close
Sometimes I would even lie
Because I thought I was protecting you
It felt like a cancer inside
I didn't know what else to do
Addicted to the consequence
Of tensions overwhelming
I build up walls for my defense
The results are so telling
Even as much as I'd try
To bury the pride that I used to excuse myself
I always felt justified
In jealousy, anger, a fucking living hell
Creating worlds in my mind
To fill in the gaps of the things that I couldn't see
Yet I was still I was surprised when you
Turned and walked away from me
Remember
Remember
I won't go down this road again
Remember how it always ends
Remember what it was like
I won't go down this road again
Remember love grows from within
Remember what it was like
For you to see confidence in me
Now uncertainty
I know the struggles of my youth
Became a burden to you too
But I know that despite all the bad days
We made some happy memories
Remember what it was
Like the timing felt so right
The harmony, and synchrony
Our mental link
We'd always laugh we'd always drink
How could I let my self do this again
At this point I just cannot defend
Cause I remember
The timing is never right for me
Never right for me
I won't go down this road again
Remember how it always ends
Remember what it was like
The timing just wasn't right
I won't go down this road again
Remember love grows from within
From within
From within
From within
From within
Remember
What it was like
To see confidence in me
I know you still believe
I know you still believe
We saw the struggles from our youth
Become a crutch that we would use
Sometimes the good days seemed outweighed
But I love a smile on your face
Remember
Remember
Remember
Remember
|
||||
9. |
all hail the serpent
07:04
|
|||
See the blades coming down
Once burrowed beneath the ground
A sharp tongue to tease the mind
Temptation to which I'm bound
All hail the serpent
Infinity never ends
No matter what we pretend
All hail the serpent
The blink of an eye
Can alter your life
Sometimes in the night
I feel I'm shedding
All hail the serpent
All hail the serpent
The trail it has left behind
Leads right to my feet
Corruption of humankind
There's death in the streets
Closing your eyes
Can alter your life
Deep in the night
The psyches collide
Fall
Closings walls
Bring us close
Are we all
Descending
Down
Look in the eye of the devil
Feel as the coil of the serpent strengthens
Bound by the heightening sense of danger
Seduces me with anger
Keeping composure through intensifying pain
Ingurgitate paralyzed offering
All hail the serpent
All hail the serpent
|
||||
10. |
the fall
08:49
|
|||
Let go of the world
And let go of all the fear inside
Everything's in motion
Nothing left to decide
I feel like I'm losing my mind
I've been losing track of time
I feel like I've become someone that you don't want to know
I can't help but feel there's some thing wrong
Its that crushing wave of guilt that overcomes me now
It pulls me under and drags me down
I try to scream for help but I don't know how
The shadows gather around me as I fall
I don't wanna be the one that pushes you away
I don't wanna beg for you to stay
And as I breathe in, I contemplate this life I'm living
And as I breathe out, I focus on what I'm living for
I open my eyes, and push past the tears that I've been shedding
Cause I realize, I've shed them for no one but me
I can't cast aside, all of this weight that I've been under
You know I've tried, but its breaking me down
All of my plans, all my intentions gone asunder
Deep down I know, I'm the only one to blame
Stare at the wall
Skin begins to crawl
No one sees you fall
So fuck them all
You will be bound in chains,
With opened veins
And full of shame
There will be nothing you can
Do to rid myself from you
I am the first thing that you
Feel when you
Are all alone
And I'll be the last thing that
You truly have
But never own
Am I alone?
How did I get here?
Will I be on my own for too long?
I'm the thing inside your head
That fills you full of fear and dread
I am in complete control
And wearing thin upon your soul
All your thoughts they are bent on me
I am all that you will ever see
The only way to be rid of me
Is to end it all and be set free
Can it be?
That they all left me?
How was I so blind as not to see....
Its that crushing wave of guilt that overcomes me now
It pulls me under and drags me down
I try to scream for help but I don't know how
The shadows gather around me as I fall
I'm all that's left
I'm all that's there
I'm all you have
I'm everywhere
|
||||
11. |
vessel
05:36
|
Streaming and Download help
Particle Thief recommends:
If you like Particle Thief, you may also like:
Bandcamp Daily your guide to the world of Bandcamp